silence Archives - Sharla Fritz

5 Reasons We Avoid Solitude–And Why We Should Embrace It

Sharla August 4, 2020

Voltaire wrote, “The happiest of all lives is a busy solitude.” But how many of us really believe that?

In today’s chaotic, noisy world, it’s easy to avoid solitude. We don’t really have to be alone. Even when we aren’t scheduled to be engaged with people, we can avoid solitude by stopping in a coffee shop humming with espresso machines and conversations. We can video chat and Skype with people even when we can’t be with them in person.

So why do we avoid solitude and why should we embrace it instead?

5 Reasons We Avoid Solitude

First, 5 reasons we avoid solitude:

We fear loneliness. It’s then we have to remember there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. Natasha Dern wrote in the Huffington Post, “Loneliness is marked by feelings of isolation and persists even when one is with other people. Solitude, on the other hand, is a state of being alone, content with your own company.” Although loneliness can be depressing, solitude can lead to greater appreciation for who you are.
We’re afraid we might miss something. If we’re not chatting with friends or plugged into social media we may fear failing to know or see something important.
We’re too busy. Our schedule is filled with exercise classes, work obligations, driving kids to camps and classes. There simply isn’t time to be alone.
We avoid a chaotic inner life by filling it with more noise. So much is going on inside our heads that we consciously or unconsciously don’t want to deal with it, so we keep running the treadmill of appointments and social engagements.
We may be hiding from God. We know in our hearts something is wrong, but we don’t want God to confront us. We don’t want to deal with the guilt, the regret, or the doubt we are feeling.

Any of those reasons sound familiar? You may be thinking. Yep, all of those sound like me.

Why We Sould Embrace Solitude

So why should we embrace solitude?

Consider the last and most important reason we avoid solitude–hiding from God. Two famous people hid from God in the book of Genesis. Adam and Eve knew they had messed up. They were ashamed. Guilt-ridden. Afraid. So when they heard the sound of God’s voice in the garden they hid among the tress. I think they ultimately knew they couldn’t really hide from God, but they tried.

I’m like that too. I want to sweep all my guilt under the rug and hope God doesn’t notice. So I hide. I avoid being alone where God’s voice might break through in the quiet. I fill my life with activity and noise. But I know all along that I can’t really hide from God. He knows all my thoughts, so it is better to open up my heart to God and let Him deal with the mess.

The Genesis story tells us that the Lord God was walking in the garden in the cool of the day. Perhaps this was a regular occurrence. After Adam and Eve had worked among the flowers and trees of Paradise, God Himself came to spend some time with them every evening. But this time they were trying to avoid Him.

God called out, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9). He calls out to us. He wants us to know that He still loves us. An article on Crosswalk.com advises, “Rather than hiding from God, denying who you are, or trying to control what others think of you, allow the truth of who you are to surface during solitude and silence – and face the reality of the person you see, flaws and all.”

The Purpose of Solitude

The purpose of solitude is to allow God to open up the hurts, the guilt, the doubts and heal them. In the silence, the Spirit reminds us of God’s words, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9) and “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3).

God loves us with an unconditional love. And sometimes the only way we can hear His words of love is when we quiet all the other voices.

Next Step: What is your number one reason for avoiding solitude? Bring it to God and ask Him to help you find time to get alone with Him this week. Schedule the time alone now

Spiritual Disciplines: Silence

Sharla March 12, 2019

This post is part of my Spiritual Discipline series where we will explore practices that connect us with Jesus in His Word. If you want to find out more about Spiritual Disciplines you can look here.

My mother-in-law Shirley was known as a woman with the gift of gab. One thing I always liked about her was that chats with her never have any of those awkward silences.

Once when I was with her, we went to visit an old friend of hers. The mother of the friend was with her and this mother also possessed the ability to make continual conversation. In this woman, Shirley had met her match.

When the visit ended and we got back in the car, Shirley expressed her frustration, “Oh, that woman!” I couldn’t get a word in edgewise!”

I wonder if that is how God feels sometimes. When we come to Him, we often come with our long lists of complaints, our litanies of needs. Our time with Him is often a one-sided conversation.

And when we’re not talking to Him, we fill our ears with music on the radio, chats on the phone, and movies on the big-screen TV.

Maybe God feels like He can’t get a word in edgewise.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 says:

Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.

Silence

In order to hear God speaking to our hearts, we sometimes need to practice the Spiritual Discipline of silence. We live in a noisy world. It can be hard to hear God’s voice above the din. God may be speaking, but we may not be listening.

In my job as a music teacher at a Lutheran school, I have one rule for my students: When I am talking, they are to be quiet. This rule is necessary for them to hear the instructions for the next activity. When they are talking, they are not listening. If the class follows the rule reasonably well, I give the class a sticker on a chart. Ten stickers equal a reward of a movie day. But somehow, this simple rule is extraordinarily difficult for the students. We are already 24 weeks into the school year and one of the classes has only earned 3 stickers. Go figure.

I guess we all like to talk more than to be still. But that’s the beauty of the discipline of silence.

Silence enables us to listen.

King David wrote in Psalm 62:1

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.

I cannot hear God’s words of grace if I’m always talking. I can’t listen to His gentle words of salvation if I’m not waiting in silence.

Sometimes I need to wait for some time before I hear God’s voice. Even if I’m in His Word, the noise in my head may drown out His voice. The conversation between me and my distracted self doesn’t allow me to listen.

Practicing Silence

So how can we practice silence? How can we hear God’s more clearly? Here are some ways that work for me.

Practice silence before reading God’s Word. Before jumping into your Bible study time, take a few minutes of silence to quiet your mind. Turn David’s words in Psalm 62:1 into a prayer: “God, my soul is waiting in silence for You alone. Enable me to hear Your words of grace and salvation in Scripture. Help me hear Your message to me in Your Holy Word.

Write down the noise in your head. Perhaps you have noticed that when you sit in silence, your thoughts are definitely not quiet. The voices of Doubt and Defeat speak up. Worry and Anxiety seem intent on not letting God get a word in edgewise. You feel like a failure before you even begin.

But you can use these noisy thoughts to your advantage. Sit quietly and pray David’s words, “I wait for God in silence.” As you quiet your mind, have a pen and paper ready. When distracting thoughts pop up, don’t berate yourself. Instead, write down a word or phrase that describes that thought. Quiet your mind again and repeat the process. After ten minutes, look at your list of distracting thoughts. What do they tell you about your life? What do they tell you about your relationship with God? Then take the whole list to God in prayer.

Schedule a personal retreat. This is one of my favorite things to do–but I’ll admit I don’t do it enough. Block out a day–or a morning–for a silent retreat. When I have a personal retreat, I love to go to a park if the weather is nice. But you could look for a retreat center in your area, book a hotel room, or simply find a quiet corner in the library. Bring only your Bible, journal, and willingness to wait in silence. Read a portion of Scripture and then wait for God’s words to you. Journal what you sense God is speaking to you in His Word. You could also use the disciplines of Palms Down, Palms Up Prayer; SACRED Reading; and Examen during this time. An extended time of silence like this refreshes my soul. (For more ideas for a personal spiritual retreat and get my Soul Spa Kit read here.)

Wait in silence. Let God get a word in edgewise. He is longing to comfort your heart and care for your soul. He will faithfully speak words of love and forgiveness as you come to Him. Quiet your heart and hear His words of grace.

Next step: For the next five days, schedule some time for Silence. Read the following Scriptures for inspiration:

Psalm 62:5-8
Ecclesiastes 3:7
Habakkuk 2:20
Revelation 8:1-4
Luke 5:12-16

Do You Want to Be Alone? Using Silence to Hear God’s Voice

Sharla June 10, 2014

Solitude and silence are elusive commodities. But sometimes we need silence to hear God’s voice.

When I was a young mom, the thing I craved more than anything was to be alone. An introvert at heart, I draw energy from time by myself with a good book.

But in the days of babies and toddlers time alone was a rarity. Kids were always hanging onto me, sitting on my lap, even insisting on following me into the bathroom.

Lately I’ve been reading about solitude and silence. Richard Foster, the author of The Celebration of Discipline, writes:

Solitude is more a state of mind than it is a place…There is a freedom to be alone, not in order to be away from people but in order to hear the divine Whisperer better.

This world has so much noise. Music blaring. Car horns honking. Phones ringing. It is hard to find a place where it is quiet enough to hear the Divine Whisperer.

The world demands our attention. Work responsibilities summon us. Family members need our time. Even church activities call for a place in our schedule. It is hard to concentrate on the Divine Whisperer.

So sometimes we need to get alone to hear God speaking. We need silence to hear God’s voice. Remember the story of Elijah on the mountain? The Lord told Elijah:

“’Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” (1 Kings 19:11-12).

God told Elijah to go and be alone in the presence of the Lord–alone so He could hear the gentle whisper.

God is, of course, always with us. We are always in His presence. But sometimes we need to find a quiet place in order to sense His nearness.

I encourage you to find sometime today to be alone in God’s presence.

Sit in a quiet place, still your thoughts, and tell God, “I’m here.”

Speak to Him about all that it is in your heart.

Listen for His gentle whispers of love.

Next step: Make an appointment with God. Find a way to get alone–ask your husband to watch the kids, get a babysitter, go outside in your backyard and sit in the shade for an hour. Open your Bible and hear God whisper to your heart.