Type in “self-help books” on Amazon and you will be met with 194,329 options to choose from.

With just a purchase of a book you can be on your way to Overcoming Depression, Learning to Listen, or Overcoming Paranoid and Suspicious Thoughts.  Or you can buy a book that will help you to: Achieve Anything in Just One Year; Think Confident, Live Confident; or Dump That Chump!

I have to admit–I love self-help books and have bought more than my fair share of them. If there’s way to do something better, smarter, or cheaper I want to know about it.

But the problem with self-help is the “self” part. Sure, all by myself I can probably learn to organize my office, make jewelry, or eat healthier.

But when I try to clean up my thought closet on my own, I’m disappointed in myself. When I try to make myself do the right thing, I fail. When I try to increase my happiness, I get depressed.

Because I can’t do it by myself.

The myth of self-help is actually a joy-stealer.

Because on my own I can’t really make any significant changes in my life. I try, but am unsuccessful. So I try harder and still fail. Then I think “I must be doing something wrong,” so I buy another book, try another strategy, redouble my efforts.

And that’s when I watch joy flee out of the back door of my heart. That’s when I hear the door slam shut. That’s when I feel alone in my struggle.

But all the while God is right there ready to flood my heart with His joy. He wants to open up all the dark crevices in my heart and fill them with His light. He is waiting to give me the wisdom and strength I need, the joy I crave.

Philippians 2:13 says:

For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (ESV)

You see, it is God who works in me. He is the one who gives me the ability to please Him.

But God not only offers me the strength to follow Him, He gives something even more basic. Read the verse in the New Living Translation:

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Did you catch that? Not only does God give me the power to the right thing, He gives me the desire to do it. On my own I don’t even want to do what’s right.

What steals our joy is the constant struggle: the belief that if we try hard enough we can be good enough. The notion that if I buy just one more self-help book or sign up for one more class I’ll know what I need to do to be happy. The idea that if  I simply work harder, I’ll be successful.

What restores our joy is God’s reassurance: He loves us as we are. He will show us the path to joy if we stay close enough to follow Him. He will point the way to a meaningful life and give us the strength to walk that path step by step.

Next Step: Where in your life are you tempted to think you have to work harder, try harder, struggle harder? Remember God’s reassurance that He loves you just as you are.

Have you heard Amy Grant’s song “Don’t Try So Hard”? Click below to see the video and hear the song:

Don’t Try So Hard

I regret last summer.

I always start the short-Chicago summer season with great anticipation. Finally, warm weather! We’ll go to outdoor concerts, do some hiking, maybe even go on a picnic or two. I’ll take some time to do some organizing projects and read a few books on my reading list. It’ll be a great summer!

But last summer ended in disappointment. The unusually hot, dry summer kept me indoors. We only went to one outdoor concert because it was just too hot to sit outside. I didn’t get any of the organizing projects done that I wanted to. (Clean the basement is on the list again for this summer.) And the reading list? Huh!

Fortunately, summer comes around every year and I have a chance for a do-over. To make this summer better, I created a summer “bucket list.” I got the idea from my writer friend Lara Krupicka. (Read about her summer bucket list idea.) By making a written list of what I want to get out of this favorite season, I’m hoping that I will be more likely to actually do these fun and practical activities. I hope that this summer won’t end with regret.

Of course, regret can be much more serious than simply not having enough fun in one summer. We all have words we regret, actions we regret. If only we could go back and have a do-over. We wish we had not hurt others, messed up our lives, or taken a wrong turn from God’s path.

The trouble with regret is that it steals our joy. Living under the cloud of “if only” continually darkens our spirits.

Fortunately, God has a better way. Instead of existing with regret, He wants us to truly live–with repentance.

2 Corinthians 7:10 says:

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

What’s the difference between regret and repentance?

Regret is constantly wishing you had done something different, that life had gone another way. The pain of this self-condemnation never goes away. Your inner judge continues to pound the gavel and yell, “Guilty!” This kind of grief can put you under a soul-killing death sentence.

There is also grief in repentance–a sorrow over past mistakes and sins. But repentance takes this grief to the eternal Judge–Jesus. And Jesus is not only our Judge, but the one who took the punishment for those mistakes and sins. Repentance places all that sorrow in a loving Savior’s hands and listens for the words, “Not guilty!”

Some of you may continue to live under the cloud of regret because you think: Forgiveness is too easy. Even though I know Jesus died for my sins, it’s not really enough. It would be wrong if I felt happy after what I’ve done. I need to hang onto this heavy regret in order to pay for my mistakes.

Dear sister, Jesus wants you to let that grief go. 2 Corinthians tells us that godly grief produces no regret. God doesn’t want to live with self-condemnation. If we have repented of our sins, we can live joyfully forgiven.

Every day, listen for Jesus’ words, “Not guilty!”

Next step: Are tempted to live under a cloud of regret? Write Ephesians 1:7 on a card and carry it with you today, reminding yourself that in Christ, you are forgiven.

My friend Gail recently called to tell me the news. She had just accepted a fabulous new position. Her voice bubbled in excitement as she explained that she and her husband had just been chosen to head a national ministry.

I gave a little squeal  and a big, “Congratulations!” I know this job is perfect for her personality and gifts.

After we hung up, I realized that I was truly happy for her.

And this was a bit of a shock.

In the past, news like this might have sent me into a tailspin. Oh sure, I would still have been happy for her. The intellectual part of me would have recognized the great benefits this new position will have for her life. The friend part of me would have rejoiced with her good fortune.

But the emotional part of me would have been pouting.

My soul would have stuck out its lip. My heart would have crossed its arms. My spirit would have furrowed its brow out clenched its jaw.

Why? Because of comparison.

You see, Gail will be flying all over the country to speak and lead workshops. She will be recognized as a national leader. People will turn to her for guidance and advice.

In the past, I would have compared my ministry to hers and felt small-er, odinary-er, insignificant-er.

OK, so those aren’t all real words. But I think it’s the -er the gets us in trouble. It’s the act of comparing that often steals our joy.

Galatians 6:4 says:

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

Why does the Bible give us that advice? Because there will always be someone rich-er, thinn-er, pretti-er than me. There will always be someone more successful, more respected, more important than me.

If I focus on that I will not be able to find joy in the work God has given me now. I will tend to question the road God has put me on. My soul will start to pout.

I will lose my joy.

As women we tend to compare ourselves to each other. We measure ourselves by the women around us.

But God is speaking to our hearts:

Daughter, don’t compare yourself to the other women in your life. Don’t grade yourself on a curve. I know the pressure you put on yourself to be more, to have more. But the truth is I created you just the way you are. You are exactly where I want you to be right now. Find joy on the path you are on and in the knowledge that I have an astounding plan for your life. Watch and see.

Don’t let the -ers put your heart into a pout. Don’t let comparison steal your joy.

Next step: Today watch out for the thief of comparison. Concentrate on finding joy in doing your own work well.

By the way, here is a picture of me with my friend Gail at a conference in St. Louis!