complaining Archives - Sharla Fritz

Sharla Fritz

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When the Weeds of “More” Choke Out Contentment

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The intersection of a biblical story and the some unruly weeds taught me a lesson about contentment.

The weeds in my garden are staging a coup. They are threatening to take over the flowers that are trying to bloom. I need to spend a little time pulling the unwanted plants out and fertilizing the flowers I want to enjoy.

Sometimes my attitudes also need a little weeding. I keep watering the weeds of “more” and allowing them to choke out my contentment.

I already have a rich life and yet I always seem to be wanting more and more.

Rachel and Leah

A while back I reread the story of Leah and Rachel and noticed the two sisters’ constant desire for more. From the time they got married to Jacob, they each wanted what the other had. Leah wanted the adoring love of her husband that Rachel obviously had and Rachel wanted children. Especially when Leah gave birth multiple times and Rachel’s own cradle was still empty.

When I read the story again in Genesis 29 I saw that the sisters’ discontent was especially evident in the names they gave their children.

Leah named her first three boys:

  • Reuben which sounds like the Hebrew for “God has seen my misery.”
  • Simeon, which means “one who hears,” and said, “Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, He has given me this son also” (Genesis 29:33).
  • Levi, which sounds like a Hebrew term that means “attached.” Leah said, “Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons” (Gen. 29:34).

Rachel was no better. She was miserable when she was waiting for a baby while Leah gave birth to six sons, Leah’s servant had two sons, and Rachel’s servant had two baby boys. But when God gave her a child she didn’t give him a name that meant, “Thank you, God.”

Rachel named her first son, the son she had waited years and years for, Joseph–which means–“may he add.” Her first words weren’t, “I praise you God for this wonderful gift of life. They were, “May the Lord add to me another son.”

I was dumbfounded. How could she not even thank God before she asked for more?

Gratitude Tames the Weeds of “More”

Then I realized that I do the same thing. Often when a prayer has been answered, I forget to say, “Thank you.” I don’t pause in gratitude.

Instead, I ask for more. I see the next thing I want and once again am discontent until I get it.

Maybe if Rachel would have taken the time to fully enjoy the blessing of Joseph, she would have been content. Maybe if I would remember to say, “Thank you Lord” the weeds of “more” would be tamed.

Thankfulness yanks at the weeds of discontent. It pulls at the attitude of dissatisfaction and gives peace room to grow.

Gratitude allows contentment to bloom.

Next step: Pay attention to your words today. Did words of discontent outnumber words of gratitude? Find three simple things you can be grateful for and thank God for them.

3 Positive Side-Effects of Giving Up Grumbling

Grumbling seems to be a national pastime. We moan when the weather is lousy. We complain about traffic. We gripe about disappointments.

Why do we do this?

Maybe it’s because complaining garners sympathy. Maybe it’s because it feels good to get something off your chest. Maybe it’s because it’s easy conversation–usually everyone else joins in with their own gripes.

Maybe it’s because you’re like me and you think: If I don’t complain, what will I talk about?

We Know We Should Give Up Grumbling

But even though it’s easy to grumble, we all know we should give it up.

The apostle Paul wrote:

Do everything without complaining or arguing.

Philippians 2:14

That pretty much covers it, doesn’t it? God commands us to do everything without grumbling.

Gulp.

Fortunately, for those of us who need a little extra incentive, Paul tells us there are positive side-effects to ending our griping sessions. Look at the next verse in Philippians:

“So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe” Philippians 2:15

Three Positive Side-Effects to Giving Up Grumbling

Paul told the Philippians that there are three positive side-effects to giving up griping:

  1. We will become blameless and pure. Blameless means without fault. When we give up complaining, our lives will not be open to criticism. Pure means our lives will not be a mixture of good and evil. When I use my imagination to see myself through God’s eyes when I’m complaining, I see someone given who has been given the greatest gifts of salvation and life forever in heaven and still complains about the weather. A mixture of good and evil. Without my constant griping, my life is a better reflection of Christ’s purity.
  2. We will be children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation. When we’re complaining we look just like everyone else. If give up our griping we will stand out in a society without faith, without hope. People will recognize we have something special. A friend of mine who became a Christian as an adult said that before she knew Jesus, she didn’t see any benefits to becoming a Christian. She thought Christianity was just following a bunch of rules. She saw that Christians still had problems. She couldn’t figure out why someone would subject themselves to all those rules if they didn’t get any benefits. When things don’t go our way, we have an opportunity to show non-Christians the benefits of being a child of God. Even though we have problems, we also have a Father who goes through them with us. Do our lives demonstrate that truth when we are complaining?
  3. We will shine like stars in the universe. Without complaining, our light will shine brighter, we will be more able to point people to the Light of the world. Complaining will only dim our brightness.

Give Up Grumbling, Exhibit Trust

When we abandon the habit of complaining every time something irritates us or someone disappoints us, we can shine a light on the One who is more than willing to give us the grace to face every trial. When we give up grumbling, we exhibit trust in the God who will hold our hand through every rainy day, every bump in the road, every painful disappointment.

What to Do When Life Disappoints

 

What do we do when life disappoints? Our natural reaction is to complain and grumble. We tell our sad story to anyone who will listen.

This is what I tend to do. Especially about the fact that my grandchildren live far away.

I make sure that all of my friends hear about my grandchildren in China—emphasis on China. I smile weakly as I talk about how much I miss them. When others talk about their grown children or grandchildren, I immediately remind them of my sad situation by sighing wistfully, “You are so lucky to have them close by.”

Thankfully, I have very sympathetic friends. They commiserate with me. They say, “Oh it would just kill me to have my kids so far away.” One friend even commented that my husband and I were the poster children (or would that be the poster parents?) for empty-nesters. He said everyone we knew could say, “At least we don’t have it as bad as John and Sharla.” Which made me laugh, but also served to worsen my case of poor-me-syndrome.

When our expectations are not met and we continue to yearn for the unattainable, we also tend to complain to God. All of our prayers start with the word, “Why?” We can’t come up with one good reason that God would have for not answering our prayers and giving us what we want.

When I have a really bad case of poor-me-syndrome, there are certain Bible passages I try to avoid. Passages like:

“Whom have I in heaven but you?  

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

 but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Psalm 73: 25-26

I brush over verses like this because I can’t seem to say, “God, there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.” I’m ashamed to admit it. I want to be like the psalmist, but it just ain’t happening.

But if I stop avoiding the psalm and look at it a little closer, I notice that the psalmist did not come to those words easily. In the beginning of the psalm he was just like me asking, “Why do other people seem to have it so good?” It isn’t till the end of the psalm that he is able to come to the point of saying, “God is enough.”

And the answer is in the last verse of the psalm. Here he says, “But as for me, it is good to be near God” (verse 28). Being in God’s presence is what changes us.

Let that sink into your heart.

Nothing could be better than being near God.

Next step: Take all your disappointments to God. Then read Psalm 73 and rest in the assurance that even in the disappointments, God is near.

Where To Take Your Complaints

Where can you take your complaints? I mean, is it alright to complain to God?

An incident with my dishwasher helped me understand this better. 

It all started with a box of dishwasher detergent. We bought a new box of the stuff and soon began noticing a change in our dishes. I grumbled to my husband that our brightly colored plastic tumblers were no longer brightly colored. Instead, they looked like the surface had been etched. I thought perhaps the formula of the offending detergent was too high in abrasives.

I called the company to complain, hoping that I would not only get my money back for the offending detergent, but also for my ruined glasses. (Never mind that these plastic tumblers were almost twenty years old. It was the principle of the thing.)

The pleasant customer service representative asked that I send a sample of the detergent to the manufacturer along with some of the tumblers. I was certain that the company would acknowledge the problem and send us money to buy new glasses. However, what we received back in the mail was our own cardboard box with the old tumblers in them. Only now they were as vivid as before the problem detergent. Inside the box was an explanation that the company had not found the tumblers to be scratched, merely coated with a soap scum. They had soaked the dishes in a mildly acidic solution and the gray film was now removed. I felt a little silly for complaining about soap scum, but I was glad to have the problem solved even if I didn’t get my twenty-year-old tumblers replaced for free.

Simply griping about the lousy new dish detergent to my husband did nothing to fix the problem. But complaining to the manufacturer did. I needed to take my complaints to the right person.

King David knew this as well. He wrote in Psalm 142:

With my voice I cry out to the LORD;

with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD.

I pour out my complaint before him;

I tell my trouble before him. (v. 1-2)

“Now wait a minute!” I can hear you say. “King David, a man after God’s own heart, was complaining? I thought Christians weren’t supposed to grumble!

 Here’s what I think. God is definitely displeased when we complain about our lives “behind His back,” effectively displaying displeasure with His provision and grace. But if we come to Him directly and pour out our concerns honestly, He can reassure us of His love and goodness.

Caryn Dahlstrand Rivadeneira writes in her book, Grumble Hallelujah,

 “Grieving, shedding tears, emptying ourselves of hurt seems to clear up room for God to work.” 

When I feel like complaining, I now try to go straight to the Manufacturer. I “pour out my complaint before the Lord.” I lay out all my feelings, my gripes, my sadness.

But I do it with the knowledge that God can do something about it. He can change the situation, fix the problem, or simply comfort my soul. Pouring out my complaint makes room for God’s consolation and reassurance.

Look at the end of Psalm 142:

Bring me out of prison, that I may give thanks to your name! (v. 7)

Being a chronic complainer can leave you in a prison of discontent. But pouring out your complaints before God with the expectation that He is going to do something wonderful frees your spirit.

So take your complaints straight to the Manufacturer and watch Him work!

Next step: What do you do when you feel like complaining? Instead, of complaining to other people, take your complaints to the Father who cares immensely about you. As you leave your complaints in His lap, praise Him for taking care of your problems in the best way possible.

This article was adapted from my book, Bless These Lips, which helps women learn to use their words to transform the lives of the people around them. Get it here and here.