Sometimes, as moms, it seems all we do is nag.

Pick up your shoes.

Finish your homework.

Make your bed.

We don’t want to, but kids are kids. They need instruction. They need guidance. They need reminders!  

When my kids were young, one of the best tools I found to get the kids to do their chores was a job wheel. On the wheel I put the three main chores that needed to get done every week. On the outside of the wheel I put my two children’s names and my name. On week my daughter would be responsible for the vacuuming, I would clean the bathrooms, and my son would dust and take out the garbage. Then the next week we would spin the wheel and everyone would get a different job. This helped in two ways. One, nobody had to do the same job every week. Two, every third week I did the chore to my specifications and made up for any lack of skill my young children had in completing the task. Also when they were young, we all did the chores at the same time and finished with some kind of fun treat or activity. All of these things helped to create a No Nag Zone.

In my research I found some other dos and don’ts for building a No Nag Zone in your home.

Do

• Do give clear instructions. Make sure your child understands what you want him to do.
• Do try a list–some kids will respond better to a written chore list than verbal instruction.
• Do have consequences for tasks not finished.
• Do use visuals–try posting a picture of your child’s clean room on her closet door as an example of what it is supposed to look like.
• Do allow for negotiation with older kids–come to a mutual agreement on number and method of chores to be done.

Don’t

• Don’t demean or belittle a child or her abilities.
• Don’t give a task that is too difficult.
• Don’t forget to praise your child’s efforts.
• Don’t micromanage–sometimes good enough is good enough.
• Don’t be inconsistent–letting your child off the hook once, but insisting on the chore another time will only lead to more nagging.

I hope these tips will help create a No Nag Zone in your home. Nagging never feels like love. Although we may need to give instructions and reminders, we want to learn to give them in a loving way. 

This article was adapted from my book, Bless These Lips.  This book will help you use your words to encourage the people around you. Check it out here and here.

Vex. Annoy. Pester. All synonyms for–you guessed it–nag. We’d like our homes to be a no-nag zone, but is that even possible?

We wives don’t want to be annoying or vexing. but sometimes our husbands need a little “reminding.” The garbage sits in its can instead of on the curb. The dishes are still in the dishwasher instead of the cupboard. The kids are still running around instead of in bed when you get home from a late meeting.

And we may think our reminders are helping the people in our family become better people. We may offer advice because we care for our husbands. We may give instruction because it’s for their own good.

However, even though we may give reminders out of love, we need to remember that nagging never feels like love. To the person receiving the seemingly unending stream of advice, it feels like rejection. It feels like disapproval. It feels like affection needs to be earned.

Scripture gives a bleak picture of living with a contentious spouse:

“Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.”

Proverbs 21:9 MSG

So how can we make our wishes clear without turning into a nagger?  

In my research, I have discovered some dos and don’ts for building a No-Nag-Zone in your home. Here are some guidelines for wives:  

Don’t

• Don’t demean or attack your husband. Talk about the issue.
• Don’t use phrases like “You always…” or “You never…”
• Don’t use a condescending or commanding tone of voice.
• Don’t talk about the issue when your spouse is rushed or stressed.
• Don’t lecture–keep your statements brief.

Do

• Do notice your husband’s efforts, express appreciation!
• Do discuss how best to divide household chores.
• Do find out how your husband would like to be reminded–verbally? note on the fridge?
• Do ask your husband how you can help him.
• Do remember nagging doesn’t work.

These 10 suggestions for creating a no-nag zone in your home are common sense. But just as our husbands may need reminding, so do we. Put these 10 strategies into practice and remember that nagging never feels like love.

And if you want more ideas for creating a no-nag zone in your home, check out this article for moms.

And for even more help in building up your family with your words, check out my book, Bless These Lips.  This book will help you use your words to encourage the people around you. Check it out here and here.