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Sharla Fritz

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The New Math of Self-Worth

You are precious and honored in My sight.Isaiah 43_4

Do you have an outfit in your closet that always reaps compliments?

Many clothes in my closet are a deep peach color. I love this color because whenever I wear it, I receive comments like, “That color looks fabulous on you.” or “You should wear that color all the time!” So of course when I’m not sure what to wear, I am likely to choose an outfit in the shade of deep-peach.

After all, who doesn’t like a compliment?

Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” I agree. Positive words fuel my spirit. They give me strength to keep going.

But too often I rely on what other people say about me or think about me for my self-worth.

The New Math ofSelf-Worth

The Old Math

In fact, this is the math equation I often used to evaluate whether my life mattered or not:
MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS + WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME = MY SELF WORTH

If I’m honest, not only do I sometimes choose an article of clothing because I consciously or unconsciously know I am likely to receive compliments on it, I may also choose activities and tasks that will make others notice me.

But what happens when others don’t notice us? When our hard work is behind the scenes and no one says, “Great job!” When people don’t offer compliments or praise. Does that mean we are not valuable?

No! Even when we may feel unimportant, insignificant, even worthless, we can hang on to the truth in God’s Word, We need to find some new math.

The New Math

Let’s look in God’s Word for a new equation. First, the apostle Paul reminds me that accomplishments are not the way to earn God’s love:

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

My accomplishments or lack thereof do not affect God’s grace to me. I cannot earn God’s love through hard work. I do not get spiritual brownie points for success in this world. God loves me no matter what. I am saved through faith and not through accomplishment. We can serve God out of love for Him, but we do not have to do it out of fear of not measuring up.

Second, God tells me I am valuable:

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.” (Isaiah 43:4)

I am precious to God–valuable in His sight, treasured in His kingdom, and cherished in His heart. I am an honored and privileged part of His kingdom. He loved me so much that He gave His own Son in exchange for my life!

I am not valuable because of what I do for God. He treasures me because He made me and adopted me into His family through Jesus’ work on the cross and triumph over death

So when our self-esteem is a little low, when compliments have been few and far between, let’s do some new math:

GOD’S LOVE FOR ME + JESUS’ SACRIFICE FOR ME = MY SELF WORTH

Next step: Post the new self-worth equation where you will see it often. Remind yourself that accomplishments and compliments are not the key to a life that matters. You already matter to God!

Being or Doing

being or doing

“Turn left. At a quarter of a mile turn right.” When my husband and I get in the car at our home in the Chicago area to visit relatives in Missouri, we plug in our GPS device and get directions for every turn. And turn we do, left and right and left again…until we get to I-55. Once we are on this highway we don’t hear the voice of the GPS lady for hours. Why? Because we simply need to follow the interstate road for 160 miles. No turns necessary.

Sometimes I wish there were more turns in the road. That stretch of I-55 is not particularly awe-inspiring—just miles and miles of flat Illinois farmland. Miles and miles of corn and soybean fields. I wish for something more exciting.

There have been times in my life when I have felt like I’m on a not-so-awe-inspiring road. Life is moving along, but it seems like nothing much is happening. And I pray, “God, am I going the right direction? I feel like I haven’t heard much from You lately. Could you give a little more direction? Throw in a little excitement?”

Today I’m over at the Mudroom Blog. Click here to read on…

being or doingPIN

The Surprising Gift of Saying Yes

20170614_fritz_sayingyes_1024Brenda and I met in the lounge of a transitional home for women where she and thirty other women were working to rebuild their shattered lives. Amongst mismatched sofas and coffee tables that had seen better days, I helped this sixty-two-year-old woman prepare for her GED exam.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I volunteered to tutor Brenda. Would we hit it off? Become friends? Or would the relationship remain that of tutor and student?

Truth be told, Brenda and I had very little in common. She is African-American. I am the palest of white you can imagine. She was raised in the South. I grew up in the tundra-country of Wisconsin. Brenda had many years of hard living on the streets. I live in relative comfort.

But none of that mattered when we got together. Read on at (in)courage.

Maundy Thursday: The Dark Before the Dawn

chalice

Easter is almost here.

But before we get to the joyful celebration of Resurrection Sunday, we need to go through the darkness of Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible tells us what Jesus talked about to His disciples on the night before He went to the cross. John’s Gospel uses five of its twenty-one chapters to give us a seat at the table with the other disciples. We see Jesus washing His follower’s feet, sharing a meal with them, giving them last minute instructions, and praying for them.

John tells us that Jesus “showed them the full extent of His love” when He washed their feet (John 13:1). He lets us know that Jesus was “troubled in spirit” (John 13:21). We see Jesus’ heart for all of His disciples when He lifts His eyes to heaven and prays for us even as He is preparing for the most difficult mission of His life.

Jesus told the disciples:

I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.  A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. (John 13:20-22).

The world looked incredibly dark to the disciples on Good Friday. Their beloved Friend had died. They didn’t understand.

But the time of rejoicing was coming.

Much of life is like that too. We have grief, sorrow, sadness. Problems multiply. We experience pain, anguish. We don’t understand what is happening.

But Jesus promises us that a better time is coming. In the end we will see Him and rejoice. And even now in the dark time we can feel “the full extent of His love” (John 13:21). We can experience His peace. We can look forward to joy.

So hang on:

“Your grief will turn to joy.”

Next Step: Thank God for “the full extent of His love” that He demonstrated on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday

The One Thing Better Than Life Itself

YourLove

My husband and I heard of an opportunity to take a fabulous vacation. The place sounded fascinating. We had never been there before.

But we said no.

Why? Because it wasn’t China. When we heard of the opportunity, we both looked at each other and said, “I don’t think so. The cost of that trip is worth half of a trip to China. And we’d rather save our money for China.”

Now until 2011 we had never had any desire to go to China. But when our daughter and her husband–and our grandchildren!–moved there, it suddenly became our number one vacation destination.

We soon began evaluating all of our major purchases in terms of trips to China. Because a trip to see our grandkids is better than almost anything else money can buy.

King David made a similar statement in Psalm 63:

Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. (Psalm 63:3)

I have long loved that verse, but as I have been reading through the Psalms this Lenten season, the Holy Spirit highlighted this Scripture and asked me, “Do you believe this? Do you live as if God’s love is better than life itself?”

And I had to answer no.

God’s love is incredibly important, but I often live my life as if human relationships are more important. I have made recognition for my work a greater priority. I have valued shiny new things over God’s precious love.

LifeItselfSo I wrote a prayer of confession:

“Lord, forgive me when I have not totally believed that Your love is better than life. When I have ignored that life-giving, restoring love and searched for meaning through accomplishments. When I have made human relationship more important than ours. When I have spent more time trying to amass things than I have spent with you.

Father remind me. Remind me that Your love is

better than recognition

better than being popular

better than wealth

better than having family close

Your love is better than life.”

A trip to China is better than most anything money can buy.

But God’s unfailing love is better than life.

Next step: Write your own prayer asking God to help you live as if His love is better than life.

When You Need God’s Embrace

A little girl, not even two, was sitting with her mother in church. It was a new church for them, they had only attended there a couple of times.

The little girl sat patiently through the hymns. She quietly listened to the Bible readings.

But when the congregation stood for the reading of the Gospel and the mother lifted in her arms while they listened, the girl suddenly spotted the carving of Jesus at the front of the church. The resurrected Christ was on the cross holding out His arms to all in blessing.

The little girl couldn’t be quiet any longer. “Hug!” she shouted. “Jesus–hug!”

That little girl was my daughter Anna. And this story happened when we first moved to Illinois.

We all love to tell cute stories about our kids and grandkids, but I think this one has a lesson for us.

Just like that carving of Jesus at the front of our church, Jesus is always holding out His arms to us, ready to embrace us.

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He wants to hold us close when we’re afraid to take a scary step of faith. He wants to embrace us when we’re wounded by hurtful words. He wants to enfold us in His arms when circumstances have crumbled our hope.

Psalm 73:3

Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.

 

Next Step: Today, take time to simply sit in God’s presence. Picture Him holding your hand. Imagine His caring arms holding you.

What It Means To Be Chosen

Eph 1-4

When I was in grade school, I hated gym class. Dreaded it, in fact.

While most of the kids probably longed to get out of their seats and play a game in the gym, I would have much rather stayed behind in the classroom. Or somehow become invisible.

Because I was never chosen.

Every phy ed class began with lining up against the pea-soup green walls of the gym. Every class meant two appointed team captains would choose teammates. And every class meant a knot in my stomach because I knew I would happen.

Lori would be chosen. Mark would be picked. Kathy’s name would be called.

Finally there would be two of us left at the wall. One of the team captains would hesitate and then say something like, “I guess we’ll take Roxanne.” Roxanne would go over to that side and it was understood I would go to the other. My name didn’t even have to be called.

I was never chosen.

Maybe you can relate to my story. We all want to be picked for the team, asked to the prom, invited to the party.

We want to be chosen.

 

chosen

That’s why I love this verse in Ephesians:

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.

Ephesians 1:4

Imagine. Even before God poured out the oceans, lit up the stars, or formed the mountains, He saw you. He chose you. He picked you out of the line at the wall.

Let that soak in for a minute. I don’t know about you, but the fact that I am chosen brings a deep joy to my heart.

To be picked means I am desired. To be desired means I am valued. To be valued means I am not left at the wall feeling worthless.

Next Step: If you believe in Christ’s work on the cross, you are chosen. Thank God for picking you out of the crowd and sending the Holy Spirit to put faith in your heart. Thank Him that He sees you as valuable and precious.

If you are not yet a believer, know that Jesus is calling you to be on His team. Accept His invitation to life with Him forever.

Learning to Delight in the Gift

 

A while back I met a friend for lunch that I hadn’t seen in months. She met me with a hug and a beautiful bunch of pale pink tulips.

My first thought was: They are so lovely! 

My second thought was: I didn’t get her anything! 

Somehow how I couldn’t fully delight in the gift because now I felt the balance of friendship was upset. 

As I contemplated this I realized that my delight in God’s gift of grace is also somewhat diminished by the fact that I didn’t give Him something of value in return. I feel I have to do something for God 

In one way this is perfectly sane because it is a good thing to want to give back to God.

But in another way, this is ridiculous because what could I give God that could equal the incomparable gift of His Son?

The real problem lies in the fact that sometimes my doing gets in the way of enjoying God. The nagging feeling that I should be busy in His service sometimes prevents me from simply delighting in Him.

 

Psalm 37:4 says:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

When we learn to delight in the Lord, He becomes the desire of our hearts. We rest, contented with who He is and what He has given. The pressure to do is diminished. The weight of the my inadequacy is lifted

Just for today, let’s put aside our doing and simply sit at Jesus’ feet enjoying His presence, reveling in His grace, marveling in His love.

Delight in the gift.

Next Step: Take five minutes today to sit quietly with God. Delight in His love, care, and protection. Thank Him for His many gifts to you.

Base Your Identity On This

An identity is a fragile thing. A memory from my college days confirms this.

I stared at my first college report card. Most of the grades were As and Bs. Not bad.

But there was one grade that stuck out. Aural Music Theory: C. Not good.

All semester long I had struggled with this class. The professor asked us to do a whole list of seemingly impossible tasks: “Listen as I play this chord on the piano and identify its quality. Write down this rhythm as I tap it out. Listen to this melody and write it out note by note.” I knew I wasn’t getting an A in that class.

But a C. For someone who had always prided herself on good report cards, a C was depressing.

I was never good at athletics. In grade school, I was always the last kid picked for teams. I knew I would never win a beauty pageant. My sister got all the natural good looks in the family. So I based all my self-esteem in the fact that I was pretty good at memorizing facts and understanding algebra and taking tests.

What did it mean if I wasn’t good at school anymore?

Most of us tend to base our identity in our looks, our skills, or our intellect. Maybe you’ve always been the cute girl. Or perhaps you could run fast from the time you were in first grade. Or like me, you were always the one who could ace a test.

We take pride in who we are.

Now, it isn’t necessarily wrong to find satisfaction in the gifts God has given us. The problem comes when we base our identity in those gifts. We run the risk of losing the ability to like ourselves when all of our self-esteem is wrapped up in being able to please certain people or perform certain tasks. Because what happens if we can’t do them anymore?

God wants you to see that you are not just Beauty Queen, Athlete, or Comedian. You are His child and He loves you not because you are pretty or smart. He loves you because He loves you.

Romans 5:8 says:
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

It doesn’t say: God shows His love for you while you were beautiful. It doesn’t say: God shows His love for you while you were winning races.

It does say: God shows His love for us while we were still messed up. It does say: Christ died for us when we didn’t look like much.

God loves us. Period.

And that is where your identity and pride should be based. Your self-esteem won’t be rocked as long as you keep in mind this one timeless truth: God loves you as you are.

Remember, you are not only Gifted Athlete, Amazing Brainiac, or even Ordinary Girl. You are a Child of the King.

Divine Makeover001

This post is adapted from my book for teens: Divine Makeover: God Makes You Beautiful.

Are you looking for a meaningful Christian gift for a young lady? Consider Divine Makeover, a book that encourages young women to find their beauty and identity in Christ. It has a lot of fun along the way with clothing analogies and fashion tips. Find it here and here.

How to Truly Love Yourself: The Four Degrees of Love

I tend to have a love/hate relationship with myself. Maybe you can relate. Perhaps you also find it hard to love yourself.

On days things are going smoothly, we are pleased. But on days we mess up we might be disappointed with our performance and even despise who we are.

Popular culture says some of the keys to loving ourselves are not expecting perfection from ourselves and not comparing ourselves to others.  Loving ourselves means learning to nurture ourselves and forgive ourselves. Listing our best qualities and practicing receiving love are keys to loving ourselves.

These are all useful tools. But I think one crucial element in truly loving yourself comes in learning the four degrees of love.

 

Recently I read a devotion by Bernard of Clairvaux.   A supervisor of a monastery in France, he lived from 1090 – 1153. His writings influenced Luther and many other Christians. His book On the Love of God outlines the four degrees of love.

1. The first degree of love–love of self for self’s sake. This is our selfish preoccupation with our own needs. It is a sort of natural love for ourselves, wanting everything to revolve around us. 1 Tim 3:2 talks about this kind of love, “For people will be lovers of self and [utterly] self-centered, lovers of money and aroused by an inordinate [greedy] desire for wealth, proud and arrogant and contemptuous boasters.” (Amplified Bible) It’s not a true love for ourselves, but a love for comfort and fame and attention for ourselves.

2. The second degree of love–love of God for self’s sake. When we can’t meet our own needs and experience a crisis, we crawl to God and beg Him for help. We love God for His blessings. We see this love in Psalm 116:1, “I love the Lord because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy.” This is not a bad love, but it is still a self-centered love.

3. The third degree of love–love of God for God’s sake. As we grow in faith, we grow to love God in a deeper way. We realize that He is more than a genie who solves our problems. Through worship, prayer, and time in His Word, we come to truly know God and love Him for who He is and not just for what He can give us. 1 Peter 1: 6, 8 describes this kind of love, “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials…Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.”

4. The fourth degree of love–love of self for God’s sake. Bernard explains that this love is experienced only fleetingly in this world. But when we experience a oneness with God and can pray from the heart, “Thy will be done,” we lose our self-preoccupation. We don’t dwell on our needs. That’s when we truly love ourselves.

I think that this love of ourselves for God’s sake only comes when we truly see ourselves as the forgiven, much-loved daughters of the King. We don’t love ourselves because we have performed well. We don’t love ourselves because we deserve love. We love ourselves because we see ourselves through God’s eyes. Because of Jesus, He sees us redeemed and righteous. He calls us precious and honored and loved (Isaiah 43:4).  1 John 5:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” It is only because of Christ’s love that we can love ourselves or others.

I love the words of 1 John 4:16.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

Rely on the love God has for you. That’s when you can truly love yourself. That’s when you can truly love others.