Years ago, I notice a need for taming my tongue. Even though I never intended to hurt anyone, it seemed my words continually did just that. I decided I needed a mouth makeover.

When I began my mouth makeover, my major motivation was to stop looking foolish with my foot stuck in my mouth. As I studied the subject more, another motivation became to touch the lives of people I care about–to inspire and encourage them. But I also discovered that a more important purpose of my mouth is to please the Lord and bring a smile to the One who gave His life to save mine!

Psalm 19:14

Psalm 19:14 was the first Scripture I used in my effort to tame my tongue. Each day I prayed David’s prayer and made it my own.

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
    be pleasing in your sight,
    Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

I researched some of the original Hebrew meanings of the words in Psalm 19:14 and came up with and expanded version of the prayer. Here is Sharla’s amplified version.

May every utterance and every word that comes out of my mouth and every musing and thought of my heart bring You pleasure and delight, O LORD. Let me always speak as if I were in Your presence for truly You are always with me. Help me to remember You are my Redeemer–the One who saved me and who will continue to forgive me when I fail–and You are my Rock–the source of my strength.

Praying this prayer every day helped me become more aware of my words. Praying these words gave me the reassurance of forgiveness when I messed up once again. This prayer helped me focus on pleasing God with what came out of my mouth.

Matthew 12:34

The Bible contains many verses about our words. It seems taming your tongue is a God-given priority. In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus said this:

For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Matthew 12:34b NIV

Jesus tells us that the mouth speaks out of the overflow of the heart. Picture an overflowing cup. What is running out of the cup? Whatever is being poured into it. 

And what I am pouring into my heart will eventually come out. The Greek word translated as overflow means abundance, what one delights in and what fills the heart. What I delight in and what I am interested in will naturally be what I talk about. (Just ask all my friends who have patiently looked at dozens of pictures of my grandsons!) 

In order to improve my speech, I need to examine my interests because they will direct what I put in my heart. And what I pour in my heart will eventually flow out.

So I ask myself:

Am I pouring good things into my heart so that what overflows will be positive, noble, holy, and God-pleasing?

Are the things I delight in the things God wants to fill my heart?

We all need to pay attention to what comes out of our mouths and determine the source of our words.

• Are angry words coming out because of what is going on in your heart? Do you need to speak to a counselor or sit down with a friend and work things out?
• Are you cutting others down because you don’t feel valuable? Read God’s Word (especially Song of Songs 4:7; Isaiah 43:4, 62:5; Zephaniah 3:17) to discover how precious you are to Him.
• Are complaining words escaping your lips? Maybe TV commercials and ladies’ magazines are breeding discontentment in your heart. It might be time to change what you watch or read.

When we want to change what comes out of our mouths, we need to change what goes into our hearts.

Proverbs 25:11

Another key to taming the tongue is realizing just how valuable our words are. Proverbs 25:11 says:

The right word at the right time is like precious gold set in silver.
Proverbs 25:11

We’ve all experienced this. When the house looked like the aftermath of a tornado, you couldn’t calm the screaming baby, and your hair hadn’t been combed all day you wondered if your life made any difference. Then your three-year-old walked up to you, hugged your leg, and said, “I wuv you, Mom” and you no longer had any doubts. Or when you received a card from a long-lost friend who remembered the time you stayed up with her all night after her boyfriend dumped her. Or when a customer or client at your work sincerely thanked you for your kindness.

The right words are more precious than diamond pendants and Rolex watches.

When we remember this, we can look for opportunities to share the wealth with others around us. Does that store clerk look likes she’s having a bad day? Compliment her on her hairstyle. Does your husband look especially tired? Remind him of how much you appreciate how he helps to support the family. Has your friend’s smile disappeared? Tell her how much you appreciate her friendship.

Ways to Use These Scriptures

Here are a few ways to use these Scriptures every day.

1. Write scriptures about your words or the mouth on sticky notes. Put them in conspicuous places where you will see them often during the day. Try your bathroom mirror, above the kitchen sink or on your car dashboard.
2. Set an alarm for three times during the day to remind you to say a specific scripture about the mouth out loud (Psalm 19:14 anyone?). Perhaps pick times you know are difficult for you to keep a civil tongue, e.g. morning (drive to work), afternoon (most difficult time of the work day), and evening (the drive home)
3. Turn these Scriptures into a prayer! The combination of scripture and prayer is sure to give us improved control over our lips.

These simple suggestions will not only help you in your efforts in taming your tongue–putting them into practice will transform the lives of the people you speak to.

Next step: Pray this prayer: Father in heaven, give me lips that speak knowledge. Help me to listen to You before I speak. Help me to remember that it is better to wait to speak if I don’t have any useful words to give.
Find your own verses! Use your concordance or do a search at BibleGateway.com, mouth or lips.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all endured a conversation with someone who only wants to boast.

Her conversation centers on the topic of herself.

She drops names to try to impress.

When you attempt to tell something about yourself, she counters with something better about her life.

She doesn’t bother asking you questions about your family or job.

Even when your eyes glaze over, she doesn’t seem to notice and keeps on talking.

We don’t want to be that person, so is there a proper way to boast? A way to talk about yourself without looking like a braggart? A way to acknowledge compliments without seeming stuck on yourself?

A Checklist

To avoid coming off as a braggart, examine your conversations. Do they sometimes have elements of the discussions you hate? Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I genuinely care about what the other person has to say?
• Do I celebrate the other person’s achievements?
• Do I ask the other person to tell me about herself?
• Do I avoid practicing one-upmanship? In other words, when someone tells me something about herself, do I avoid immediately sharing an accomplishment that’s slightly better than hers?

Take a genuine interest in other people. Finding out what makes each person unique will not only help you avoid looking like a braggart but will help you form new friendships with intriguing people.

Accepting Compliments

But what do you do when someone gives you a compliment? How can you accept the positive affirmation without seeming stuck on yourself?

In order to not appear to be boasting, I may put myself down when someone praises me. However, if I respond to a compliment by saying something like, “Aw, it was nothing.” or Well, I actually made a lot of mistakes.”? the usual response is something like, “No really–you did a great job.” And the other person may wonder if I put myself down just to get another word of praise. This tactic can make me look like I’m fishing for accolades.

Also, a compliment is a gift, and contradicting the comment of approval is a rejection of that gift and an insult to the person offering it.

So how can you graciously accept praise without boasting? Try these tips:

• Look the person in the eye and say a simple, “Thank you,” with a smile.
• Respond by telling the person how the compliment made you feel like, “Wow, your words really made my day.”
• If appropriate, respond by complimenting the other person. For instance, if a co-worker compliments your work on a joint project, you could also praise that person’s efforts.

Accept each word of praise humbly without making a big deal about it.

The Proper Way to Brag

We know we’re not supposed to toot our own horns. But sometimes we do need to tell others about ourselves to promote our business or to get a job. How can we promote ourselves without obnoxious bragging?

Here are a few suggestions:

• Don’t give a laundry list of accomplishments.
• Don’t compare yourself to others when you are telling about yourself. (For more information see this article about non-comparative boasting)
• State the facts succinctly.
• Talk about your accomplishments in a conversational manner. Don’t be overbearing.
• Don’t exaggerate.
• Watch your body language. Don’t look stern or aloof–instead, look positive and enthusiastic. (For more information see this article about talking about your accomplishments without bragging.

We can learn how to promote ourselves and our businesses when necessary without becoming braggarts.

The Best Way to Boast

We’ve learned how to avoid bragging and how to talk about your accomplishments in a positive way when appropriate. But Scripture talks about the best way to boast.

The apostle Paul wrote:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

After reading this you might think: Paul, this is boasting? Talking about your weakness? Sharing about your faults? Bragging about your frailty?Paul could have bragged about his travels, boasted about the great crowds he spoke to, and impressed everyone with the number of converts he led to the Lord. But he decided instead to talk about his weaknesses. His reasoning? “That the power of Christ may rest on me.”

Paul had plenty of things to brag about, but instead he flaunted his weaknesses so that Christ could get the glory. He talked about what Jesus did instead of what he did so that others would applaud God instead of Paul.

King David had similar words:

I will bless the Lord at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together! Psalm 34:1-3

David goes on to describe how he boasted in the Lord. He told others of how God answered his prayers. David described how God helped him conquer all his fears. He recited instances of God aiding the poor and saving those in danger. He talked about how God hears our prayers and stays close to the brokenhearted.

This is the best way to boast. Brag about what God has done for you. Think back to the times when He has answered your prayers, conquered your fears, helped you in tough financial times, and got you out of dangerous situations.

When we brag on God, we take the attention off ourselves and put it on the One who deserves it most.

Next step: Make a list of what God has done for you. When you’re tempted to boast about yourself, brag about God instead!

What do you do when angry words build up in your heart? How do you cool them down before they explode out of your mouth like heat-seeking missiles?

I remember the day when, as a newlywed, I decided to cook dinner using one of our wedding gifts—a pressure cooker. I had been learning about the benefits of a vegetarian diet in my nutrition class and was determined to try soybeans. My vegetarian cookbook said a pressure cooker was the fastest way to cook them.

I followed the directions for the correct amounts of water and soybeans, put the lid on my old-school pressure cooker, and popped the pressure valve on top. I turned on the burner and waited for the beans to cook. It wasn’t long before the pressure cooker began to make alarming noises—noises I had never heard before.

I ran to turn off the heat, but I was too late. The pressure valve flew off the kettle and the soybeans sprayed all over the ceiling. While I moaned about the mess, I think my husband secretly rejoiced that he didn’t have to eat the soybeans.

A Personal Pressure Valve

When I’m angry, my pressure valve may also be faulty. Sometimes it’s difficult not to spew all of my messy words into the room. In fact, we use phrases like these to describe our state of mind when we’re furious.

Hot under the collar.

All steamed up.

At the boiling point.

When you’re at the boiling point, angry words may erupt out of your mouth. All that steam inside can cause comments to explode out of your lips–comments you later regret.

Three Ways to Cool Angry Words

How can we cool down our angry words before they search and destroy like heat-seeking missiles?   Here are three suggestions I am going to try to put into practice this week:  

1. Ask “Why am I so angry?” When I reread 1 Corinthians 13:5, “[Love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs,” I noticed “self-seeking” is right before “easily angered.” Could my anger be because of a selfish attitude that needs to be addressed? 
2. Ask “What is the best way to talk about this problem?” Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” I need to think through my words before I speak. Gentle, not harsh words will be more effective.
3. Ask God for a pressure valve to control my anger. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Before I vent all that anger, I need to remember to ask God to give me wisdom and the ability to control my temper. I will pray for wisdom to know what should be expressed and what should be held back.

Those soybeans on the ceiling? Some vigorous scrubbing removed them. But the words that escape my lips can never be taken back.

I may not be able to control my angry words, but God can replace the valve and prevent an eruption of rage. I pray for the wisdom to know what should be expressed and what should be held back.

It is tempting to give “full vent” to our spirit, but if we are wise we will turn down the heat, ask God to replace the pressure valve, and hold back our harmful words.

Next step: When tempted to explode in anger, turn down the heat, step back, and ask yourself, “Why am I so angry?” “What’s the best way to talk about this problem?” And then ask God for wise words.