When we feel tired and discouraged we all need someone to come alongside and encourage us.

Back when my kids were young and parenting was a full-time job, when work was not finished when we arrived home from the office, and a full night’s sleep was an elusive dream, I noticed that my husband was looking a little fatigued. A bit weary. A tad defeated.

So I said to my children, “Let’s do something special for Daddy. Let’s give him a party!” They were at the age where they got excited about any kind of party, even a play tea party with the teddy bears, so they quickly got on board. Even though it wasn’t anywhere near my husband’s birthday or Father’s day, we made him his favorite meal, set the table in the dining room, and made some big banners that said, “We love you Daddy!”

The look on John’s face when he came home that night was worth all of our extra effort. His sagging shoulders lifted just a bit and the tiredness in his face dissolved into a smile. The surprise of a dinner in his honor on an ordinary Friday helped to encourage him and let him know we appreciated all of his efforts to support the family.

I was reminded of this little party when I recently read Hebrews 10:24 in The Message:

Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out.

I have read this verse in other translations like the English Standard Version:

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.

But I liked the idea of being inventive when we are encouraging others.

Mind you, I’m not all that creative when it comes to encouragement. Sadly, the surprise party of my husband was the only example I could come up with for my own inventive efforts. So I did a little research to come up with a few more ideas besides my own.

1. Give someone a party for no reason in particular. Like the celebration of Dad that my children helped me to pull off, doing something special for someone when it isn’t expected is especially meaningful.
2. Give an anonymous gift. Secretly sending a card or gift to someone you know could use a lift can make a huge difference in their life.
3. Give a book or CD that has blessed you. Obviously, don’t give a diet book or financial self-help book, but one that offers hope on every page. My friend, Linda, gave me the book Jesus Calling last year and in this way has been encouraging me every day.
4. Run an errand for them. Before my husband heads out to the hardware store or Walmart, he always asks if I need anything. It’s a simple idea that could be expanded to the new mom down the block, the senior citizen you know from church, the friend who is struggling with the blues. Taking a couple of extra minutes to drop off a needed item for someone else could be a simple way to show support.
5. Find out the other person’s love language. Make your creativity really pay off by matching it with what makes the other person feel special. Does he like gifts? Find something related to his hobby. Quality time? Take her out to lunch. Physical touch? Give a back rub or send a gift card for a massage. Do a little investigating and your encouragement will hit the mark.

Encouragement is fuel for our souls.

It’s what we all need to continue to fulfill our responsibilities and chase our dreams.

Frankly, some days it’s what we need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging each other.

To learn more about encouraging others, check out my book, Bless These Lips!

An actual leaky roof gave a vivid picture of my nagging mouth.

Rain battered the windows of my family room. I was sitting in my usual spot on the sofa, trying to watch a favorite show, but I wondered, “Will it happen again?”

It did.

A drop of water fell from the ceiling and landed in my lap. Another drop and another followed. I got up, walked over to the windows and rolled up the shade. Water was also dripping from the windows inside the house.

We were having trouble with the roof above our family room. It was getting annoying. Every time we had a downpour we had to put towels in the windows and a bucket on the couch where I usually sat.

From the outside of the house you couldn’t see any problem with the roof. But whenever it rained, it was obvious from the inside that there was a problem.

This can also be true with my mouth. If you met me at a coffee shop and we chatted for awhile, you might never suspect I had an unruly mouth. But if you put a hidden camera in my house, it probably wouldn’t take too long before you heard the drip, drip of a woman with a mouth problem.

From the outside, no one might suspect a speech problem. But inside there might be signs of what the book of Proverbs calls “a quarrelsome wife.”

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;
to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.

Proverbs 27:15-16

Why does my speech sometimes degenerate to this point? Why does my mouth seem to automatically spew out orders or churn out nagging statements when I really want my home to be a haven?

One motive for nagging may be concern for the people in our lives. We want them to be healthy so we say, “Eat your broccoli.” We want them to be successful so we prod, “Finish your homework.”

But there may be another explanation for our use of nagging words: We want to be in control. Because we want the house to look a particular way, we are apt to say things like: “Pick up your socks already!” We say that we love the people in our lives, yet we want to fix what’s wrong with them so we spout: “Speak up for yourself at work!”

When you find yourself nagging, ask yourself why. Be honest. Are you simply trying to offer advice out of concern? Or are your words based in control issues?

When I am faced with my tendency to control, I ask God to change me. He knows what the other person needs more than I do. Sometimes it is my place to help another person to change, but often my role is simply to pray for God’s will in their lives.

And if constant reminders tumble out of my mouth out of love for my family members or friends, I need to remember that it doesn’t feel like love to them. A steady stream of instruction and advice can give the impression that my affection has to be earned by jumping through specific hoops.

So when we feel like nagging, let’s ask God to work the change in the other person and in our attitudes.

Instead of the drip, drip, drip of nagging and contention, let’s fill our homes and workplaces with a flood of grace.

This article is adapted from my book, Bless These Lips. Check it out here.

Encouragement is defined as “to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope.”
The prefix en means “to put into” and courage is defined as “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.” Encouraging words put strength into another person’s spirit—strength to keep trying or to face their fears.

God knows our need for consolation, for inspiration. He knows the human need for someone to cheer us on when the going gets tough. So He tells us:

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I think we all want to become people known for their uplifting words. But we might struggle to actually find those words.

When I’m at a loss for words, I have a few go-to words. If you need a little help finding inspiring words, here are my top five encouragement phrases:

1. “I love the way you…” Compliment your child, spouse, or friend on a particular aspect of their work. Saying, “I love the way you used bright yellow in the picture you drew,” rather than, “I like your picture,” shows you are really paying attention to them. Telling your co-worker, “I love the way you organized the files” helps them feel appreciated. Letting your friend know, “I love the way you speak kindly to every server,” helps her see the effect of her efforts.
2. “I believe in you.” Tell the people in your life that you are sure they can accomplish their task. Express your belief in them. Tell them, “You can do it!” Nothing chases doubt away faster than a vote of confidence from someone who knows you!
3. “Thanks for your help.” Let someone know you appreciate what they have done for you. Tell the store clerk how helpful she was in finding just what you wanted. Thank your husband for tackling those weekend chores. Talk specifically about how each person’s work improved your day (or life!).
4. “I love your …” Make someone smile. Compliment their hair, jewelry, clothing, nails …” It usually brings a grin to anyone’s face. Why do we neglect this opportunity to build someone up when it is such an easy thing to do?
5. “You are…” Do you admire your friend’s generosity? Your child’s creativity? Your husband’s faithfulness? Have you told them? Let someone know the characteristics of their personality that you value. This phrase takes encouragement a bit deeper as we let others know that we notice more than their actions or outward appearance. We appreciate their character.

Next step: Try one of these encouragement phrases today. Pick one and aim to use it three times. Watch smiles happen! For more ideas on encouragement, check out 5 Creative Ways to Encourage Someone.