What to Do When You Feel Like Nagging

An actual leaky roof gave a vivid picture of my nagging mouth.

Rain battered the windows of my family room. I was sitting in my usual spot on the sofa, trying to watch a favorite show, but I wondered, “Will it happen again?”

It did.

A drop of water fell from the ceiling and landed in my lap. Another drop and another followed. I got up, walked over to the windows and rolled up the shade. Water was also dripping from the windows inside the house.

We were having trouble with the roof above our family room. It was getting annoying. Every time we had a downpour we had to put towels in the windows and a bucket on the couch where I usually sat.

From the outside of the house you couldn’t see any problem with the roof. But whenever it rained, it was obvious from the inside that there was a problem.

This can also be true with my mouth. If you met me at a coffee shop and we chatted for awhile, you might never suspect I had an unruly mouth. But if you put a hidden camera in my house, it probably wouldn’t take too long before you heard the drip, drip of a woman with a mouth problem.

From the outside, no one might suspect a speech problem. But inside there might be signs of what the book of Proverbs calls “a quarrelsome wife.”

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;
to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.

Proverbs 27:15-16

Why does my speech sometimes degenerate to this point? Why does my mouth seem to automatically spew out orders or churn out nagging statements when I really want my home to be a haven?

One motive for nagging may be concern for the people in our lives. We want them to be healthy so we say, “Eat your broccoli.” We want them to be successful so we prod, “Finish your homework.”

But there may be another explanation for our use of nagging words: We want to be in control. Because we want the house to look a particular way, we are apt to say things like: “Pick up your socks already!” We say that we love the people in our lives, yet we want to fix what’s wrong with them so we spout: “Speak up for yourself at work!”

When you find yourself nagging, ask yourself why. Be honest. Are you simply trying to offer advice out of concern? Or are your words based in control issues?

When I am faced with my tendency to control, I ask God to change me. He knows what the other person needs more than I do. Sometimes it is my place to help another person to change, but often my role is simply to pray for God’s will in their lives.

And if constant reminders tumble out of my mouth out of love for my family members or friends, I need to remember that it doesn’t feel like love to them. A steady stream of instruction and advice can give the impression that my affection has to be earned by jumping through specific hoops.

So when we feel like nagging, let’s ask God to work the change in the other person and in our attitudes.

Instead of the drip, drip, drip of nagging and contention, let’s fill our homes and workplaces with a flood of grace.

This article is adapted from my book, Bless These Lips. Check it out here.