4 Steps to Take When You’re Discouraged

Years ago a friend came to our house broken and discouraged. His heart was more than bruised. It had been stomped on, kicked in, and used as a punching bag.

His wife had just asked for a divorce.

My husband is a pastor and this man was not only a friend, but a member of our congregation. He came to my husband for counseling. For support.

That first night all we did was hug him. Cry with him.Sit in shock with him.

He came often to talk with my husband, but one day he arrived when my husband wasn’t home yet. This twenty-something man shuffled in like a person sixty years older. Shoulders slumped, he made his way to the sofa, but didn’t even make it to the seat. Instead he slid down to the floor in a ball of tears and desperation.

My kids were running around the house and I wasn’t sure what to do. So I just slumped down on the floor, leaning against a nearby chair, and sat with him.

As his sadness permeated the room and my own soul, I remembered Psalm 42–the place I always go when my heart is shattered. While we sat on the floor I shared how this psalm encourages me when I’m in a pit of discouragement.

Acknowledge the Feelings

King David must have been in a broken state when he wrote the words:

Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad? (Psalm 42:5a)

I love how David talks to his soul. He takes the first step and acknowledges the sadness, the depression, the emptiness.

The first step I take is to recognize all the pain in my heart. I name the emotions no matter how ugly. 

Look Toward God

But David doesn’t let his heart stay in that desperate place. He immediately encourages his soul:

I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and  my God! (Psalm 42:5b)

The second step to take when I’m heartbroken and discouraged is to stop looking at the problem and remind my heart to look toward God. 

After I acknowledge my discouragement I need to turn to the Source of hope.

Remember God’s Help in the Past

Next I need to remember how God has brought me through all my other deep and desperate places. David wrote:

 Now I am deeply discouraged,
    but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
    from the land of Mount Mizar. (Psalm 42:6)

I need to recall how the Lord has guided me through my valleys and back to the mountaintop. He has brought me through sadness and depression before. He will do it again.

Turn Times of Discouragement Into Times of Intimacy with God.

Finally, I need to realize that times of discouragement can be a time of intimacy with God. 

David wrote:

As the deer longs for streams of water,
    song for you, O God. Psalm 42:1

When the world stomps on my heart there is Someone who can mend it. and satisfy my soul. When I face deserts of disappointment, I need to realize that God is the only One who can truly quench my thirst and satisfy my soul.

When I face deserts of disappointment, I realize God is the only One who can truly quench my thirst. Share on X

I’m not sure my words of encouragement helped my friend going through a divorce more than just sitting with him.

But Psalm 42 is the place I go when discouragement and disappointment visit my life.

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Psalm 42 is the first psalm in Book II which includes Psalms 42-75. This book of psalms is sometimes called the “Elohim Psalter Part 1” because Elohim is the name for God used most often. Elohim is the Hebrew name for God that is used in the very first sentence of the Bible. So the name Elohim reminds us that He is the Creator, the One who began it all. Many of the psalms in Book II are written by David, but some are written by the sons of Korah– Levites that David put in charge of music at the tabernacle.

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Next step: Are you brokenhearted or discouraged? Which of the four steps do you need to take today? Acknowledging your feeling? Looking away from the problem and toward God? Remember God’s help in the past? Realizing this time of disappointment may lead to greater intimacy with God? Journal your response.