What do you do when you struggle with forgiveness?
We’ve all been hurt. We’ve received unkind words. Other people have disappointed or deceived us. We may feel like those closest to us have stabbed our hearts or trampled our feelings in the dust.
We know we should forgive, but how?
Recently, Michelle Diercks and I had a conversation about this on her podcast “Peace in His Presence.” Click here to listen in!
Below you will find the main points of our conversation, along with other helpful information.
Spiritual Disciplines For When You Struggle With Forgiveness
We can’t forgive on our own—we need to go to God. And one of the ways I love to connect with Christ is through Spiritual Disciplines—practices that help us tap into God’s love and grace. Here are three disciplines that help me.
SACRED Reading
SACRED Reading is a way to meditate on God’s Word. Through times of reading, contemplation, and prayer we can hear God’s voice speak to us in the pages of Scripture.
The word SACRED is an acronym that helps me remember the steps in this practice. In the practice of SACRED reading we slow down and notice what the Holy Spirit draws our attention to. (Find the specific steps for SACRED Reading here.)
For instance, read Ephesians 4:31-32 and pay attention to what the Holy Spirit “highlights.”
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
What word or phrase does God draw your attention to?
- Is it “bitterness”? (Do you realize you have a lot of stored-up anger?)
- Is it “slander”? (Are you convicted of speaking negatively about a certain person you are angry with?)
- Is it “be kind to one another”? (Because you feel you could never show kindness to a certain person?)
After you meditate on the passage, empty your heart in prayer and ask God to heal your emotions and help you forgive.
For more information on SACRED Reading, go here.
When we struggle with forgiving others, we can meditate on the forgiveness we have already received. Try meditating on these Scriptures:
Meditating on Bible Stories
Another spiritual discipline you can use when you need God’s help to forgive is meditating on Bible stories.
In this practice, use your imagination to put yourself in a Bible story. Read a Gospel story and ask the Spirit to guide your thoughts. See the scene in your mind. What sounds do you hear? What scents are in the air? Picture yourself as one of the characters in the story.
This discipline helps me experience the story in a new way. Often the Holy Spirit will show me something I never noticed before in the Word. He will speak to me the exact message I need in that moment.
Meditating on the Gospel story about the woman caught in adultery can help you get a handle on forgiveness. Read John 8:3-11. Put yourself in the story. Picture Jesus writing in the sand. Notice the accused woman–her posture, the look on her face. Imagine the accusers–their expressions and the tone of their voices. Then ask yourself these questions.
1. What character do you identify with? The woman who has been caught? The people accusing the woman of wrongdoing?
2. What are you feeling? “The other person is the guilty one!” “God should throw the book at her—at the people who have wronged me!”
3. What does Jesus say? What is your reaction to those words?
4. Perhaps read the story one more time and see it from another perspective. Put yourself in the place of one of the other characters.
For more information on meditating on Bible stories, go here.
Other Bible stories on forgiveness to meditate on:
- The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant Matthew 18:21-35
- The Parable of the Prodigal Son Luke 15:11-32
- Jesus’ crucifixion Luke 23:26-56
Prayer Journaling
Hurt feelings may take a long time to heal. We may need to forgive and forgive many times as those hurt feelings resurface. One way I use unburden my heart is prayer journaling.
You may feel uncomfortable at first writing down all of your messy emotions in a prayer. But I think we are in good company when we do this! Many of the psalms seem to be David’s way of unburdening his heart. I think God invites us to take all of our feelings to Him so that He can help us deal with them.
Here are a few ways to prayer journal when you struggle to forgive:
- Use your journal to tell God all that bothers you. Tell Him about the hurt and pain. Ask Him to help you forgive.
- Journal what the Holy Spirit is speaking to you through your SACRED Reading or meditating on Bible stories.
- Write out the hurtful things you experienced. Then ask God to help you forgive and destroy the paper as a concrete way to demonstrate forgiveness.
For more information on prayer journaling, go here.
When we’ve been hurt, our natural reaction is to hang onto the anger, the bitterness, the hurt. We think this will cause the other person pain. But author Joanna Weaver wisely wrote:
Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Resentment and unforgiveness only cause us pain. God can help us forgive. Let’s go to His Word and receive His love, His grace, and His power to help us let go of past hurts. Live free in forgiveness.