I used to be a slave to perfectionism. But my friend Nina changed my life.
Nina is the mother of six beautiful children. Back when we were both homeschooling our kids, we sometimes got our families together at field trips, at picnics, or at play dates at the park. Nina is a wonderfully creative woman and an amazing mother.
There was just one problem. Sometimes she couldn’t remember her kid’s names when she wanted to call them. Often when she was trying to call one, she went through all six names before she hit upon the name of the child she actually wanted to call.
But Nina would just laugh at herself and go on. Nina also freely admitted when she had messed up. She didn’t even try to cover up or make excuses when she made a mistake.
And I liked her anyway.
That might sound a little odd, but you see, I thought that I had to be perfect for people to like me. I was trying very hard to hide my mistakes. I might tell you about my successes, but my failures? No way.
I was struggling with perfectionism. And perfectionism was stealing my joy.
The realization that I liked Nina even with her honesty about her faults was a revelation to me.
The fact that I actually liked her more because of her transparency, was life-changing. It was like someone had just given me permission to take off the control-top pantyhose I had been wearing for years. With Nina, I could relax and be myself, because she was so authentically… Nina.
Gradually I learned to laugh at my mistakes like Nina. I admitted when I was struggling with my parenting and asked others for advice. When I messed up, I apologized and moved on, instead of silently berating myself and making excuses to others.
In my spiritual life, I have also at times felt like I had to be perfect to come to God. That He wouldn’t like me if He knew who I really was. Intellectually, I knew this wasn’t the case. But whenever I made a mistake, slipped up, said something I could take back, I didn’t really imagine God forgiving me. I felt He was disappointed in me.
It has taken me a long time to really appreciate the fact that God loves me even though I’m messed up.
Romans 5: 8 says;
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
In other words:
Even though I’m not perfect God loves me. Even though I hurt Him and the people around me, He sent Jesus to die for me. Even though I’m a mess, He continues to call out to me, to draw me closer to Him.
God is continually working to make me more like Jesus, but I don’t have to be perfect before He loves me.
Perfectionism is a joy stealer because it is unachievable.
Perfect is an impossible standard, but forgiven is a mind-blowing fact.
Live joyfully forgiven.
Next step: In what area of life do you sometimes struggle with perfectionism? Remember God loves us even though we’ve messed up. He sent Jesus to take the punishment for all our mess-ups so that we can live free from perfectionism.
Follow Me!