Vex. Annoy. Pester. All synonyms for–you guessed it–nag. We’d like our homes to be a no-nag zone, but is that even possible?
We wives don’t want to be annoying or vexing. but sometimes our husbands need a little “reminding.” The garbage sits in its can instead of on the curb. The dishes are still in the dishwasher instead of the cupboard. The kids are still running around instead of in bed when you get home from a late meeting.
And we may think our reminders are helping the people in our family become better people. We may offer advice because we care for our husbands. We may give instruction because it’s for their own good.
However, even though we may give reminders out of love, we need to remember that nagging never feels like love. To the person receiving the seemingly unending stream of advice, it feels like rejection. It feels like disapproval. It feels like affection needs to be earned.
Scripture gives a bleak picture of living with a contentious spouse:
“Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.”
Proverbs 21:9 MSG
So how can we make our wishes clear without turning into a nagger?
In my research, I have discovered some dos and don’ts for building a No-Nag-Zone in your home. Here are some guidelines for wives:
Don’t
- Don’t demean or attack your husband. Talk about the issue.
- Don’t use phrases like “You always…” or “You never…”
- Don’t use a condescending or commanding tone of voice.
- Don’t talk about the issue when your spouse is rushed or stressed.
- Don’t lecture–keep your statements brief.
Do
- Do notice your husband’s efforts, express appreciation!
- Do discuss how best to divide household chores.
- Do find out how your husband would like to be reminded–verbally? note on the fridge?
- Do ask your husband how you can help him.
- Do remember nagging doesn’t work.
These 10 suggestions for creating a no-nag zone in your home are common sense. But just as our husbands may need reminding, so do we. Put these 10 strategies into practice and remember that nagging never feels like love.
And if you want more ideas for creating a no-nag zone in your home, check out this article for moms.
And for even more help in building up your family with your words, check out my book, Bless These Lips. This book will help you use your words to encourage the people around you. Check it out here and here.